Waiter, there’s a spider in my wine!

The most interesting Caprese Salad ever seen, now where the music and someone want to turn the lights down?

The search for the perfect restaurant is not a quest of ours, but dining out for 48 consecutive days and it’s easy to become a bit critical.  The lighting is either too bright, or too dark.  Ambient music is non-existent, or ear shattering top 40 blasting from a distracting 42inch LCD in the corner.  The choice of colours for tablecloths is either pink or yellow.  It seems there should be some guidelines for running a successful restaurant.

Of course success is based on sales, or more importantly the bottom line.  Replacing warm incandescent lighting with the more expensive, yet efficient, fluorescents does save a few dollars at the end of the year…but cast the room with this ghoulish glow killing any chance at romance.  Any lady that has prettied herself up for the evening in less than perfect light conditions may soon find herself in challenging conditions not previously anticipated.  Maybe Tripadvisor could add ‘lighting’ to their list of recommended ratings for eating establishments.

Music has always been a crap shoot while we have been on the go.  In one place we were the only patrons, at which point the staff quickly adjusted the tunes from their favorites to something more classic…making me imagine what a hotel elevator must have sounded like 50 years ago.  In other instances, lounge versions of classics such as ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ and ‘True’ fill the air for the mix of clientele.  As for that above mentioned top 40 blaring from a TV set, we’ll call that an extreme case of distraction.  We have been without the distraction of regular television for almost 7 weeks now, so a Lady Gaga video following classic Bryan Adams can be a bit off-putting.

The location of the toilet can also be interesting.  It’s always at the back or under the restaurant, but these ancient sewer systems seem to have a mind of their own with the occasional ‘burp’ that will float through the restaurant.  Nothing like a little old world sewer stink to quash that appetite in a heartbeat.  Maybe a quick sniff of that nearby cappuccino would help matters…and have that ball of half digested pizza head back down my esophagus into my belly for further processing.

Another massacre via fork and knife. Get me a spoon to scrape up the toppings per favore!

I know every establishment can’t have the perfect dining experience.  Vancouver seems to just have the correct amount of ‘right’ though.  Knock a Cactus Club or Earls for their increasing prices, overly attentive staff, or kitschy atmosphere.  They do have a lot of good things going on though, and to take an organized business like that and put it pretty much anywhere in the world and a restauranteur could demand 5 star prices.

We’re not 5 star folk though, which means when we order the half litre of house white…we should expect the small dead spider to be slowly floating to the bottom of the carafe.  The bread should also be flavourless, and vaguely resemble a kitchen sponge for flavour, texture, and that crust that would easily scrape that burnt on chicken cacciatore from the bottom of a pot.  And really, we should expect our pizza to show up uncut.  Just give me a knife and fork to tear it apart into chunks I can roll onto a fork.

At the end of the night, it really is all about the company we keep, correct?

The Size of Your Suitcase

That's 100 steps, now only 80 more to the top!

I was warned before we departed that we are likely taking too much.  Well, with everything packed up again it means we’re about to endure the ear hammering rattle of these Chinese-made roller wheels across cobbles.  Only light and durable luggage from now on.  Big wheels and handles are good.  A colour that says, “Hey…look at me!  I am comfortable with my powder blue case and will know if you grab it by ‘mistake’!”  Has anyone looked into Japanese patents for a ‘hover’ option on a suitcase?

As for what really belongs in that suitcase…there isn’t a whole lot that you really need to get by.  if in a pinch, go out and buy it.  Sure you might be saving a few bucks by buying large quantities at home, but you then have to pack this weight around.  If you think you might need it, in all likelihood you really don’t.

For the men, all that seems to be required are the items below…unless you’re fancy and much more self conscious than the average male.

#1. Two pair of jeans, so that you have one pair to wear while the other is washing/drying

#2. Many t-shirts, in muted colours so that they go with anything.  The muted colours also won’t stand out in your pictures as well when reviewing them in a months time only to find out in every other pic you are wearing the same red t-shirt.  Let the locals be the flashy ones.

#3. Add a couple collared shirts for those times when you might be going out to attempt to impress.  For example, that pub crawl you signed up right behind those cute French gals might take more than you buying a drink for them and a clean hoodie.  Make them wrinkle free shirts if possible to, unless you’re aiming for that rumpled homeless look.

Not pictured...two more pieces of hand luggage carted by your friendly blogging mule

#4. The hoodie, we purchased these in Vienna to deal with the lack of heat in our apartment.  A hoodie has proved to be invaluable as a light jacket, casual wear, sleeping gear, jacket liner…and makes you look badass when paired with a scarf.

#5. A Scarf, multipurpose item as it can be used to filter smoke from the air…or mustard gas if in a real pinch.  A very good neck warmer, shawl for the ladies, and it’s stylish enough to maybe blend in a little.

#6. Lots of socks and undies. Essential under any condition and requires no explanation.

#7. Garbage bag, heavy duty…not the cheap thin plastic ones.  Plastic bags serve well as dirty clothes storage, and may be repurposed as a poncho if you didn’t bring an umbrella.

#8. Umbrella, small, nondescript, and keeps the rain off.  That garbage bag poncho raises the eyebrows of museum security when you start rummaging around under the crinkling bag checking your pockets for admission coinage.

#9. Basic toiletries, in the appropriate sizes.  Anything large is always a problem in that you don’t know if it will explode in your checked bags (I of course mean, leak and not the actual reason for checking liquids).  These items are also damn heavy to lug around when for the most part they can be purchased on arrival.  If they aren’t available, it might be time to become a little less precious.

#10. Computer, to hook up to wifi pretty much anywhere.  An iPad sounds great as it has great battery life, but the issues related to connecting in many places, plus the lack of flash and navigation of many foreign transportation sites can be limiting.  Great as a surfing device at home, but not a machine to work from.

#11. Swim shorts, of a muted colour, to make it look like you might actually be wearing real shorts in the event you can’t for some reason wear either pair of pants.  Something fast drying though, not your super thick cargo shorts.  If you insist on skinny dipping only, you won’t be doing the rest of us any favours.

#12. Medium weight coat…something to take the chill off during cold days and that you can pair the hoodie with for extra warmth.  No parka required unless you have the room in your luggage and the down filled garment will be essential to survival.  Additional warmth can be achieved through casual strolls into stores and striking up conversation with the shop owner.  Lamp stores are especially good for this, unless the only retailed fixtures are loaded with LED or fluorescent bulbs

As for the ladies, you may also want to consider a hard case for toiletries, prevent squishing of product, easier to sort and stash your beauty essentials.

A Series of Moments

How am I ever supposed to build one of these for her?

The realization of where you are at a particular moment can be a bit of a shock. To really take it all in and describe the minute details effectively to someone, usually results in the “you just had to be there” response. This isn’t a joke though, and it is those moments strung together, that life and traveling should really be all about. It’s where the stories come from. Take a step back once in a while and really recognize where you are, or more importantly, how you got there.

I reflect on one day I had in Thailand some 13 years ago now. I was awoken by wind shaking by beach-staked tent and a bright light which I figured must be the sun, but was only a full moon setting on the horizon just before daybreak. I couldn’t sleep anymore, so rather than sit there alone in my tent I went for a walk across the small island of Ko Lipe…with nothing but my boxers with me. Feeling my way down moonlit paths I came across huts with women mending fishing nets next to firelight and men hauling boats into the water as the sun warmed the sky from pink to burnt orange. Taking a moment or two to soak it all in, I watched the sun rise…then headed around the rocky coastline back to camp. When back at camp, I had made a hasty decision to hop on a ferry boat to take me back to the mainland, but mistakenly grabbed the wrong vessel as this one had no French tourists on it. My ferry was a private rental, which served food, and was catering to a group of Thai government officials for a staff outing. No, they didn’t kick me off the boat. They fed me, took pictures of me with their daughters, took me snorkelling…and all the way back to the mainland for no charge. Ok, maybe that was more than just a moment, and from over a decade ago when I was much younger and funded on student loans.

This ain't bad for an evening stroll

A better example might be after the short train ride from Salzburg to Vienna, where we hopped in a cab to expedite our arrival at the apartment we had booked. This cab didn’t appear to be standard issue, and likely served as a personal vehicle for the aged Russian driver. Possibly even his home during off hours. I would have asked for more details, but he spoke little to no english and Lady Gaga blasting on the radio was not helping matters. Might I also add the challenge of navigating the narrow one-way streets full of tourists crossing the roads at will, and being in our first ever horse and buggy traffic jam. Sum it all up, with a sunny afternoon and the backdrop of Austrian military helicopters being set up in the Heldenplatz. How did I get here, and how many more air fresheners would be required to make the air in this vehicle breathable?

Maybe something simpler, such as our Halloween evening where Melanie and I slow danced to some French-Canadian pop tune being played by our nightly lounge act. The lights were low, and four other couples had joined in just for the hell of it. Mix in some karaoke, including a duo of Melanie and myself, and we had our not so typical Halloween.

And where are we now? Curiously perched on the hillside of some little Italian vacation rental, nestled amongst lemon and olive trees with an amazing view of the nearby cliff drops and sunset through smokey skies. Watch the storms on the horizon, and moon rise over the mountaintops. Days now filled with blog writing and picture taking. All it took was quitting of Melanie’s job and for me to arrange a hiatus of sorts.

Now how could we possibly do this on a regular basis?  We’re not done yet, so maybe a few more weeks to try and figure that one out.